Migrains

In early April of last year I suffered from an "almost in the ER" migraine. The only reason I did not go was because I have 3 little kids. I laid in bed, in the dark, trying to hold my head together. The next day, I still had a really bad headache. The day after, my head still hurt. For the next 3 months, I had a headache every single day!!! Some days it was a dull throb, others it was piercing. Every single day I was also a stay at home mom. My husband would go to work and I would have to take care of getting 1 kids off to school Monday thru Friday, getting 1 off to Pre K Tue, Wed and Fri and then having a little one everyday. 

I can tell you that during that time, I never felt like myself. In January I had started going to the gym 4 days a week, sometimes 2 times a day. I felt great. I was loosing weight and conquering stress. When the migraine hit, the gym was not an option. I would try walking on the treadmill and my head would start to pound so hard it would make my right eye twitch.

In June I went to see a neurologist. He scheduled a scan and gave me a prescription. He said that the medication had helped other people with a lingering headache. He told me I probably wouldn't really notice any changes for a few weeks. He was right. It took almost 6 weeks before I woke up one day with the slightest of twinges. Then the next day my head didn't hurt. I took the medication for months and then started weaning off.  My medication is not the kind that will make a headache stop; it is the kind that will prevent a migraine when I start feeling it coming on.

By the start of the school year, my head felt better but I felt bad. I had gained back the weight and felt bad. I was drinking a 2 liter of diet Dr Pepper a day. I kept telling me the caffeine was helping me keep the headaches away. I was eating anything I wanted as I continued to give up on myself.

Now it is March, almost a year later. I gave up my soda obsession a few months ago. I found that I felt better if I just focused on water and tea. Now I am working on my diet. I am giving up sweets. I love candy and what I call "sweet breads" (donuts, cake, brownies, basically any sweet carb) but I am giving them up as well. I need to get back to me.

Part of why I feel so lost is that I feel like I am living in someone else's skin. I had begun to love working out. I would go to the gym in the morning for over an hour of cardio. My husband would accompany me to the gym in the evening to do a little bit of cardio and then some strength training. The kids liked the gym play area and never complained about going. We where on a roll and loving it. Now I am terrified of going to the gym and triggering a migraine.

I have a new understanding of suffering. I know how horrible it is to wake up every single day and be in pain. I know how much work it takes to keep going, to keep functioning. I know how frustrating it is to hear people complain over trivial things when all you want to do is crawl back into bed and cry. My husband once asked me what my average, on a daily basis, pain was. I told him an 8. He said that an 8 should mean you are in such pain you want to cry. I just looked at him. YES, I did want to cry, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes, it did hurt at an 8 most days. I was lucky to wake up at a 5. Feeling my pain at a 3 was what I considered a good day. This is what scares me and I know I will have to conquer this fear.

For now I am taking baby steps. I will eat better and then begin to work in a little exercise at a time.


I guess it's one step at a time!!!


Oh, here is the pain scale I found the most useful to illustrate my pain: (I could not get the image to upload so here is the link)
http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/8262113/pain-scale